Bad F1 Stats: 2013 Season Review – WTF1

Bad F1 Stats: 2013 Season Review


It’s been a record-breaking year of Formula One. We’ve seen Sebastian Vettel’s dominance and Max Chilton’s rookie record but now it’s time for the bad ones. Bad F1 Stats has put together a season review for WTF1 packed with truly terrible stats.

Click below for the most sarcastic and factually incorrect season review ever.

The 2013 Formula 1 season was the first season in the history of Formula 1 to be held in 2013.

The early part of the year saw the team launch their new cars. Vodafone McLaren Mercedes (who are sponsored by Vodafone) shocked the world by revealing that their new MP4/28 had a chrome livery, whilst Ferrari shocked no one by calling their car the F138, so called because it’s the 138th different naming convention they have used for their F1 cars.

Sebastian Vettel surprisingly didn’t win any races in January.

Whilst the cars were being launched and tested in Europe, on the other side of the Atlantic the NASCAR season was well under way. Around this time BadF1Stats could exclusively reveal that NASCAR teams run on half the budget of Formula 1 teams because the cars only have to steer in one direction.


The season kicked off in Australia for the first time since 2012. Interestingly, no one called Albert has ever won at Albert Park. Kimi Raikkonen won the first race – the first time Lotus had done so since 2006 and 1978 and at this point in the season the entire field were separated by just 25 points in the championship – the closest title battle since Australia 2012.

Max Chilton finished a race.

In Malaysia Red Bull issued a team order which became known as Multi 21. This meant that Webber had to gift Vettel the race win. Andrea de Cesaris never had to gift his team mate the win during the 1988 season.

Mark Webber had a haircut prior to the Chinese Grand Prix and subsequently ran out of fuel during qualifying, proving a direct correlation between the two.

Max Chilton finished a race.


100% of Bahrain Grands Prix contain 57% rain. The podium for the Bahrain Grand Prix was identical to the previous year – both contained three drivers.

Kimi Raikkonen meanwhile failed to win his home Grand Prix yet again.

In May the championship reached Monaco, the only circuit on the calendar that has never been described with a cliché. Interestingly, Formula 1 cars produce so much downforce that they can theoretically drive on the floor of the tunnel. Lewis Hamilton has never been fastest in Friday practice at Monaco. While after his ninth place finish in Monte Carlo, Paul Di Resta continued his tradition of retiring a helmet design after every race victory.

In June all eyes turned to the Le Mans 24 hours, and many F1 fans wondered how much distance an F1 car would cover if it entered the race. BadF1Stats conducted hours of research and discovered that if a Formula One car were to race at Le Mans, it would only have to make one pit stop – to pull into the garage after being disqualified for not conforming to the regulations. Max Chilton took 25 hours to complete the Le Mans 24 hours.

Round 9: Silverstone. This was Mark Webber’s first retirement since the Chinese Grand Prix. Lewis Hamilton beat Nico Rosberg to pole position by 0.452 seconds, but was still 24.016 seconds off of Keke Rosbergs best lap at Silverstone. Keke’s lap was so fast because his moustache could be used as movable ballast. Silverstone was the first race in 8 years where a series of tyre failures left Ralf Schumacher unaffected.


The 2013 British Grand Prix signifies the only time that Sebastian Vettel has ever had something go wrong with his car. It’s ALWAYS Webber in EVERY other race.

Vettel won his home Grand Prix for the first time. He didn’t even score any points at the Nurburgring in 2012.

Lewis Hamilton won his first race for Mercedes at the Hungaroring. Surprisingly, he never won a race for Mercedes in the DTM. At this stage in the season Pastor Maldonado had scored 100% of all the points accrued by Williams.

Max Chilton won no more races after the summer break.

Daniel Ricciardo was signed to replace Webber at Red Bull in 2014. This will be Ricciardo’s third consecutive year driving a Red Bull Formula One car, only this time he won’t have to refer to them in Italian.

Extensive research shows that fans at Monza tend to support Ferrari. Vettel won the Italian Grand Prix, his second consecutive win, a win that matched Ascari’s achievement of two consecutive wins in a Formula One car.

The Singapore, Korean and Japanese Grands Prix were so boring that they became the first races in history which have literally no statistics. Max Chilton finished all three races.


Sebastian Vettel clinched the championship at the Indian Grand Prix. He did some donuts on the pit straight to celebrate and made a gesture of worship to the car. Vettel became the first world champion in the history of the sport to acknowledge that he was driving a car.

Romain Grosjean scored his third third place in a row. These make up a third of his podiums, a third of his points in 2013 and a third of the total podium finishers in each of those races. He did not finish third in the championship, which incidentally was his third season in Formula One. Next season will be his third for Lotus, a team which failed to finish third in the championship.

All three drivers on the podium at the US Grand Prix used Pirelli tyres.

Brazil held the final race of the season at Interlagos. Roughly translated, Interlagos means ‘always wet’, a term which cannot be used to describe a minibar in Raikkonen’s hotel room.


Trying to upstage Vettel, Mark Webber ran a helmet design of his own face for his final Grand Prix. Giedo van der Garde outscored Kimi Raikkonen for the third consecutive race.

Max Chilton finished the race.

The 2013 season had more DRS assisted overtakes than the 1982 season. Mark Webber had more KERS failures in his final season with Red Bull than he did in his first season with Minardi.

Olivier Panis and Takuma Sato are STILL battling for the honour of being the driver who started the third highest number of races for BAR. Both are still tied on 34 starts.

Marussia and Caterham have impressively scored the exact same number of points in every season since 2010.

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